Julie Austin, Nicola Park, Ian McColl, Laurie McNicol,
Janet Michael, Ron Patterson, Dougie Sannachan

`Jack the Lad` BILLY BIGGAR is on the run from his pregnant girlfriend and her irate father but unfortunately his problems only get Bigger and Bigger when he boards Glasgow's LOVE BOAT the famous P S. NAUGHTY LUST.

On board this cruise 'Doon the Watter' he encounters many more problems as he tries to avoid the amorous advances of some of the frisky female passengers, from FANNY BROWN, who carries her 'Wullie' in an urn, to a NAUGHTY NYMPHO NUN and the BIG BUSTY BAGPIPING BEAUTY ISA LOVITT.

Add to this the chaotic exploits of the Motley Crew, who are led at the helm by their clumsy captain, HORATIO PURVES, who's afraid of bad weather, sailing, and even water... the last person you would want to be left in control of a Clyde Steamer.

In charge of the on-board catering is ALISTAIR STAINES, the original Camp Cook, who 'worked his passage' through the ranks of the Royal Navy and who swoons at the mere mention of CHEESE FLAVOURED PUFFS or SAVOURY MEAT BALLS.

The smooth running of the ship is left in the not so safe hands of TAM BATES, the very dirty, very drunk ship's engineer, who has more grease on his hanky than you'll find on one of Alistair's fry-ups!

The mixing of this motley crew and passengers puts us on a collision course of Maritime Mayhem as they drift helplessly DOON THE WATTER.

If you thought The Titanic was a disaster then you ain't seen nothing yet! Join the SEXY, SAUCY SEAMEN as they CARRY ON UP THE CLYDE...